Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
