I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
