They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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