Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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