Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
not ubering you a puppy
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
