If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
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I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
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Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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