the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
