I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
