you traded sex for a burrito?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
