Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
