I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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