I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
