i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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