We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So apparently I’m into choking now
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize