Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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