I would go down on you faster than GM stock
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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