Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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