remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
