Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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