you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
