I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
