Welp...herpes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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