Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
