My sheets look like a crime scene.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm passing your future prison.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
