I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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