the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
