I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
