cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize