no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
