Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
