break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
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And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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