I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
