Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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