I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
