Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
