Please, let me fuck your mom
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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