so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?