You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class