he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
19 Totally Clueless People That’ll Make You Say ‘Bless Your Heart’
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
30 Times Ryan Reynolds’ Replies Were The Funniest Thing On Twitter
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs