is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?