there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
