How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
