I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
