We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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