i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
