Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
