You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
