Whod you bang
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize