my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
