If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
