Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.

Fav 8 1409 3686
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(816): View more from Missouri

Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.

Fav 9 3538 1475
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms

Fav 6 3257 1225
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(805): View more from California

How much is that going to cost?

(1-805): View more from California

A lot of beer.

Fav 3 1918 813
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break

Fav 4 2103 870
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(614): View more from Ohio

Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.

Fav 12 1292 2354
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(720): View more from Colorado

So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".

Fav 0 506 369
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel

Fav 1 30 4
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