Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
