This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I know her cup size but not her name....
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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