this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
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I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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