my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
