Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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