sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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