well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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