I faked an abortion last night.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Randomize
