My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
