Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
