i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
