I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
