That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
