So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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