my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
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