you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
