my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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