Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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