dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
