Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
