What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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