Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
