i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
