I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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