woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The air was thick with penises
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
